Art is stupid

I hate art that doesn't look like anything. I can appreciate some paintings that look real, but I have no interest in looking at blobs and trying to figure out what they are. Blobs aren't art. Blobs are things that come out of the sink and eat people. That's not art.

my problem with religion

My problem with religion is that all religions have gods that don't reveal themselves. Why create the universe and then hide away? If I were a god, which I just might be, I'd create the universe and then say "Hey, you stupid people better worship me or I'll blow your planet up. Yeah! Mick Aloha! Dude." That's how I'd do it. I wouldn't create the universe, drop hints, and hope people figure out I'm real when there are people in religions that believe in non-Mick Aloha gods. It's the same way when I order fries. I don't order fries and then hide under the table. No, I order fries, wait for them to come, and then eat them. Everyone knows where I am throughout the process.
Mick Aloha has spoken.

Tony Almeida

So, I hear Tony Almeida's coming back to 24. Myself, I don't watch 24, but I know some people who do and they're pretty excited. I'm just wondering why they had to bring him back as a cyborg with a mechanical wang. Speaking of mechanical wangs, where can I get one? Seriously folks, it's tiny.

thoughts

Today, I was thinking about how great I am. Every great thing I thought about myself was so true.

Fan Fiction

I've been thinking recently about writing some Mentos commercial fan fiction. Maybe I should start a forum where people can post their Mentos commercial fan fiction. Who are those people in the limo? You'll just have to wait for me to post some of my fiction. This is the best idea I've come up with since the Ghost Molester, and that was a capital idea.

Where's my rebate, Apple?

I'm sure you all know that Apple is offering rebates to people who bought the iPhone before the $200 price drop and I have to ask, where's the rebate for the copy of Tiger that I downloaded from Bit Torrent and ran on my PC? Mick Aloha needs a rebate, too, not just those dirty early adopting hippies. If you want to make nice with those hippies, give them a Clockwork Orange DVD and send the rebates my way. Now, I know everyone's wondering what Mick Aloha would do with Apple rebates, since I think Apple products are over-priced and over-hyped. I'd sell them, of course, and use the money I make for the good life, which I'm accustomed to living. I love the good life. I love money. Send it my way if you have any extra. Hookers, too. Send them if you've got them.

my first fan e-mail

I got my first fan e-mail today. I expect everyone to love Mick Aloha, because I'm Mick Aloha, so it's nice to know the word is spreading. Although the message can be seen as negative, I'm still happy that the fans are reaching out and I look forward to many more messages in the future. Here's the message:

Mick Aloha,
You are an idiot. Do you really believe all of this stuff that you write? Are you really that full of yourself? As a woman, I'm offended by your misogyny; as a human, I'm offended by your existence. This blog makes the world a worse place to live in. Please stop.

Steph

Wow, that was a hard hitting message, Steph. My first question is: Are you hot? If so, I'd probably like to do you. My second question is: Can I get a happy ending with that misogyny?

Any other ladies who have a problem with me should send pictures along with your emails. The hotter you are, the more likely I am to read your message.