thoughts

Today, I was thinking about how great I am. Every great thing I thought about myself was so true.

Fan Fiction

I've been thinking recently about writing some Mentos commercial fan fiction. Maybe I should start a forum where people can post their Mentos commercial fan fiction. Who are those people in the limo? You'll just have to wait for me to post some of my fiction. This is the best idea I've come up with since the Ghost Molester, and that was a capital idea.

Where's my rebate, Apple?

I'm sure you all know that Apple is offering rebates to people who bought the iPhone before the $200 price drop and I have to ask, where's the rebate for the copy of Tiger that I downloaded from Bit Torrent and ran on my PC? Mick Aloha needs a rebate, too, not just those dirty early adopting hippies. If you want to make nice with those hippies, give them a Clockwork Orange DVD and send the rebates my way. Now, I know everyone's wondering what Mick Aloha would do with Apple rebates, since I think Apple products are over-priced and over-hyped. I'd sell them, of course, and use the money I make for the good life, which I'm accustomed to living. I love the good life. I love money. Send it my way if you have any extra. Hookers, too. Send them if you've got them.

my first fan e-mail

I got my first fan e-mail today. I expect everyone to love Mick Aloha, because I'm Mick Aloha, so it's nice to know the word is spreading. Although the message can be seen as negative, I'm still happy that the fans are reaching out and I look forward to many more messages in the future. Here's the message:

Mick Aloha,
You are an idiot. Do you really believe all of this stuff that you write? Are you really that full of yourself? As a woman, I'm offended by your misogyny; as a human, I'm offended by your existence. This blog makes the world a worse place to live in. Please stop.

Steph

Wow, that was a hard hitting message, Steph. My first question is: Are you hot? If so, I'd probably like to do you. My second question is: Can I get a happy ending with that misogyny?

Any other ladies who have a problem with me should send pictures along with your emails. The hotter you are, the more likely I am to read your message.

I'm offended by Jerry Lewis

You've probably heard about Jerry Lewis using a slur during his telethon, and I'm quite offended. I'm offended not so much by the slur, but because he seems to think he's still funny. Also, where's the Mick Aloha telethon? How am I supposed to get the good life when Jerry's calling people fags and sending money to sick kids? Send it my way, Jerry. Mick Aloha needs to retire before he turns 35, and sending all of that money to those kids isn't helping me one bit. Hmmm, a telethon is sounding pretty good right about now. I might have to do my own telethon, so I can get the good life. I'll call it Mick Aloha's Good Life Telethon (MAGLiTe). Come on, give to the Maglite. Give me the good life.