I blame Hawaii

Edward Snowden had a cushy job in Hawaii with a stripper girlfriend and decided to leak secrets about the NSA spying on everyone because...well, I'm not really sure why he did it. I guess he thought everyone should know what the government was doing. Here's what Mick Aloha thinks. Why would you give that up? He was making more money than Mick Aloha makes. That's crazy! Mick Aloha's goddamned rich. He had a stripper girlfriend. Now, Mick Aloha's had plenty of strippers...dance for him for money. So, why would he really give this all up? I blame Hawaii. He was probably banging his stripper girlfriend one night, watching the sun set over a volcano, and realized "This place is goddamned boring. I'd better leak some secrets, head my ass on over to Hong Kong, hang out in the Moscow airport for a month, and then hang out in goddamned Russia for the rest of my life. Only Hawaii could drive someone to go to Russia. Now, I'm wondering about his stripper girlfriend. I'm worried about her. Does this mean she's now single? Mick Aloha has plenty of disposable income...in ones. Got plenty of ones, girl! Come on up to Boston!