My interview with Sarah Palin, dude

Well, it took me nearly a month, but I finally got an exclusive interview with Sarah Palin. Instead of providing full video or audio, I'm instead going to just show snippets of transcript. I don't know why, but that seems to be how the networks roll, dude, and I roll as they roll when it comes to journalism, except I'm awesome and they suck big donkey balls.

MA: Hello, thanks for joining me today.

SP: Thank you, Mick Aloha, you're awesome and I think I might be in love with you.

MA: I seen that, dude. So, please tell everyone your name, Sarah Palin.

SP: What do you mean, Mick?

MA: I mean, what's your name?

SP: Ah, name. Well, Mick, that's a very good question. Names are very important. Heck, hockey moms have to use names just like big wigs down in Washington. Shoot, when Vladamir Putin starts rearing his ugly head, no one's going to say "Hey, look at that giant head that belongs to the guy that we have no word to identify," oh, heck no, they're going to use his name. There are lots of names. George. That's a name. Fred. Louise. Louisa.

MA: Okay, but what's your name, Sarah Palin?

SP: Name? Well, let me tell you, as governor of Alaska, the great state of Alaska, there's an important, and very big and large, yes, there's a very large and enormous responsibility to use names.

MA: Goddam it. You use too many adjectives. Whenever someone asks you a question, you just spit out adjectives.

SP: That a very big, nasty lie.

MA: So, what's your favorite color?

SP: What do you mean?

MA: I mean choose a color.

SP: Oh, heck, I like all of them. I'd have to say all of them. You know, I'm just a regular old hockey mom from the great state of Alaska.

MA: Regular? I heard you're a millionaire.

SP: Oh, well, that's, you know, there, that's, uh, well, see, hockey mom, you know, there, executive.

MA: What makes you think you have the experience to be president?

SP: Yes, definitely.

MA: Damn it, it's not a yes/no question.

SP: Correct.

MA: Damn you, Palin. Now, you're using my line against me.

SP: Correct.

MA: What TV shows do you like?

SP: All of them.

MA: What's your favorite food?

SP: All of them.

MA: In detail, please tell me what you ate for breakfast this morning.

SP: Lots of things.

I had to walk out on my own interview there. I came back, though, and the rest of the interview is in safe keeping until I'm given the good life, just like Sarah Palin.