New group of hippies found

I just read about a new tribe that was found in the Amazon that they think has had no contact with the outside world. You can read about it here. I don't really care about indigenous people, unless they're sending me money (or should I say tribute), but what caught my attention was that they live in communal huts. Communal? Sounds like someone I know. Come on, Dowell. You're all against civilization and capitalism, this sounds like the perfect hippy place for you. Maybe you and those naked savages can sit around all day and talk about how much you love sharing. Hell, I'll buy you the ticket if you want to go down there.

There's something wrong with that article. Those pictures they have of the natives were taken from an airplane. The natives are aiming their bows at the plane, so they must have seen it. So, I'm thinking they've had at least some contact with the outside world, namely that they've seen a big assed plane flying around. Myself, I don't believe this story one bit. It looks like something from that movie with that guy from Jaws. Speaking of Jaws, a hamburger's sounding pretty good right about now.

Where's my money?

My birthday was yesterday. It was a fine opportunity for you to send me money, just to push me closer to the good life on my birthday. I haven't gotten any money at all from you fools. Stop holding out. I know you have money. I see you driving around in your hybrids. Sell that hybrid, get a Ford, and send me the difference. That's all I'm asking for here. The difference. That's all I need. Hmm, I should put that on a t-shirt. I'll have to do it before Jake steals the idea and I have to sue him. Come on, somebody let me sue you on my birthday. Do something stupid that I can sue you for. Slander me. Libel me. Punch me in the mouth. (but expect to meet the Big Boot afterward) "Oh, I'll sue the Big Boot." No, you won't. The Big Boot doesn't go to court. The Big Boot is not bound by your laws.

I'm sure some of you were thinking about sending me cards, but I don't want them. Cards are useless. Money's good. Some of you may have even been thinking about sending me an e-card. You might as well go take a dump on my car. It means about the same to me. Currency is all that will suffice, and 20's, 50's, and 100's are all that's sufficient. If you were thinking about sending a cake, know this: I don't want it. Take that cake money and send it to me. If you have a birthday coming up, send me that cake money, too. You probably don't need any cake, anyway.

Why doesn't everyone just speak English?

I've been watching lots of anime and reading lots of manga recently. It got me to thinking a bit. Why doesn't everybody just speak English? If everyone just spoke English, then I wouldn't need subtitles. And, if everyone spoke English, then I could ask more people for donations, and the good life would be right in reach. Seriously, I need money. Money's the international language for allowing me to live the good life. I don't want to have to learn the Japanese for "Hey, brother, can you spare a wad of cash so I can live the good life?" So Mick Aloha's advice, and you know you want to take it, is if you hear someone speaking some heathen language, just step up and say, "Hey, buddy, speak English. It's okay. And, send Mick Aloha money. The end."

Over at the Moon Masters site, another place where you can donate, someone was saying that I don't talk about gin sours on this blog. I don't talk about air, either, but I still breathe it. You haven't seen me write word one over here about dead hookers, but if you looked in my trunk you'd...well, let's just say I drink gin sours like water and water like Coca Cola. Hmmm, a coke's sounding pretty good about now. Some fries wouldn't be too bad, either.

Send me money.

Thank you, and good day.

The Church of Mick Aloha

The word is spreading.

Mick Aloha: Land Tycoon

I'm thinking of picking up some real estate. I have enough disposable income for it, and I think now's as good a time as any to go ahead with the plan. I'm thinking about land in Kentucky and in California. It's a lot cheaper in Kentucky, but it's a lot closer in California. Why land, you might be asking. Well, some people say God's not making any more of it, but I don't believe in any gods or anyone who could make more of it, so there you go. Other atheists out there should be buying land, too. Also, atheists should send me money, so I can live the good life. You'll be blessed if you do. Actually, everyone should send me money, no matter how gullible you are. I need money.

New Year's Resolutions 2008

One of my New Year's resolutions was to blog more, but I don't think that's going to happen. My greatness is going to have to trickle down, not flood down like I'm doing with the economy. Resolutions are stupid, anyway, because I'm already great. How could I get greater? Sure, I could get more disposable income--and I will--and I could live the good life--which I will--and I could take my world trip--first class--but...wait, I think those are my resolutions. Oh, and to kick more ass. I hope you're laughing, because that last one was a joke. It's not possible for me to kick more ass. Someone will have to find more asses. Better call Apoc...

Your next president

Who will your next president be? It doesn't matter, because I'm running in 2012, and that's what's important. To get my campaign rolling, I need money. That's right, you need to send me currency, so I can start this train a-rolling. I prefer tens and twenties. Hundreds are good, too. I'll take foreign currency, too, as it's not from some hippy country. Things will be great in 2012 if you just start sending me money.