Seth Rogen pushed me into the arms of North Korea

Dear Best Korea,

After years of disagreeing, we can finally agree on something: Seth Rogen sucks donkey big balls. Let's just say when Eeyore sees Seth Rogen rolling up the street, he fucking runs his ass off in the other direction and complains about it the whole time. "Son...of...a...bitch...makes...shit...movies. Guess I'm...going...to...off...myself. So................long." Fucking Eeyore. Anyway, yes, we both hate Seth Rogen. Congratulations, Best Korea, you're now on my level. You're on Mick Aloha's hate level. Player don't hate! (unless you're talking about Seth Rogen) More like Seth Rogaine, am I right? Shit. 

Mick Aloha reads the news, and recently he read that North Korea will go to war with the U.S. if the Seth Rogen/James Franco romantic travel comedy about assassinating your leader hits theaters. I think it's called "The Interview", which, if you ask Mick Aloha, is a pretty lame name for a movie. Should be called "Super Assassinate: Part 1." Now, I know you're frustrated, Best Korea. You might not be thinking clearly. I understand. Aloha zones out sometimes, too, and wakes up in a path of mayhem. Pay attention, now. This is important. Let me put it in all caps so you can tell I'm screaming. SETH ROGEN IS A GODDAMNED HIPPY CANADIAN. Both directors of that film are Canadian. Sure, James Franco is American, but no one likes him any more after he tried to tap that underage monkey that learned to talk and text. So, don't get all pissed off at us for something a fucking Canadian did. Blame Canada! Blame fucking Canada.

Also, I have a business proposition. Funny t-shirts. I send you funny t-shirts with crazy English written on them and you send me cold hard cash. None of that fake stuff, either! I heard you like to print your own U.S. currency. I like the way you think, but that shit don't fly with Aloha. Send me money, and I'll send you t-shirts. Oh, and if you have any hotties over there who like disposable income and putting out, let me know.